Mend my heart
by Damm Rayjeem
Summary: Kurama's heart gets shattered by Hiei and cuts the youko deeply. KXH, HXM, YXK YAOI
1. Default Chapter

Pain is a horrible thing, but, of course, an essential element to life. Without pain there could be no existence for an individual. Important as it is, pain is one of the most difficult things to overcome. With pain comes stress, another element of life. Stress ensnares the deepest feelings of one's heart, making them vulnerable to any sort of attack. Of course there are several types of pains. Physical, mental and... emotional. Getting an injury to the material body sends out a feeling that our body naturally wants to reject. Cutting of the skin, or some sort of sickness forces the body to be idle for a while. It also provides the vessel with the task of healing. This process takes place over some time, depending on the wound involved.

Mental damage is understandable. Some infants that are prematurely born or have some sort of defect often have this obstacle. Most are not concerned with this type of ordeal but with some stressful and painful situations cause a block in the brain. The person is no longer able to go through with certain thought processes. Most people with this case are being taken care of in homes of some sort or taking medicines.

Then...there's...emotional pain. Rejection and sadness are often causes of this. Rejected by someone you cared for, or sadness of deaths, loses, frustration and so the list goes on.

The amazing thing is that one small event can cause all this to happen, and I was a victim of a horrible, wonderful emotion no one could ever understand. Now I wonder why anyone needs this, entanglement of crazy elements of the heart. Love is the most complex emotion that causes pain and joy, passion and hate. So, when someone says 'I hate you' does that mean they also care for you? I still wonder to this day, why I was ever able to love. I now see that I'd do better without its intricate, deceiving lies.

And a simple, four-letter name was the cause of my fallen fate, of my insecurity. The beauty of my world, for my joy and happiness. For my pain and suffering.

_Hiei_

He was my life and he took every part of my existence, all reasoning away from me. Not only that but he broke my soul into so many pieces and left just as many wounds that I'll never really recover from it. The shock of his words still scars my mind, even if it has been a month. I haven't talked to him in so long. Avoiding him and almost quitting the Reikai team because I was scared of seeing him. He would give me a colder glare than his usual and snap at me if I tried to talk about what happened. I can predict it because I've watched him more than he realized. I stared at him without him apprehending it. I took in every detail, every reaction on his face to anything that happened. I took in the tone of his voice and even translating every 'hn' uttered under his breath. As expected, all of them contained the phrase, 'or die'. It didn't surprise me a single bit. That's the way he was, cold with a black heart.

He had a hard past, but he never really told me everything. I was left to decipher the parts that I could. Hiei's history was a giant jigsaw puzzle to me. One that I will always be solving, trying to fit one piece to another.

With his ruthlessness, cruelty and hatred, I somehow, someway found a small glitter of light. Some sort of warmth coming from a lonely heart surrounded by a thick crust of ice. Maybe I thought he needed someone for him, to help him understand what it's like to be loved. Of course how foolish I was to think it was me! Why did I have to be so self-centered? I never thought she could make him happier than I could. Why her of all people? I heard him complain so many times about her manner. How she always threw him out when they disagreed. I always provided a home for him when that happened, and I remember laughing as he raided my freezer with a passion. Him and that sweet snow, the only ningen thing he loved, though he'd never admit to it. I know I was being ridiculous when I started to envy the ice cream because of all the attention he was giving it.

Memories are always with us, no matter what. Whether good or bad they come back to haunt you.

It was a cold night, windy with a hint of fall in the air. Kurama leaned against his windowsill. The gusty, cool wind hit his face, blowing his red locks around behind him. Friday nights were usually lonely. His mother, stepfather, and Shuichi went out for dinner but he decided to stay home. He never really went out with them, he didn't like being in public. Plus with the load of homework he was given he wanted to get it all out of the way.

Kurama shivered lightly and moved from the open window. Sitting down on his bed he wondered about several things. He looked at the window, and frowned. He hadn't seen Hiei in a long time, not that he was worried or anything. He just missed the company the demon gave him.

He was brought out of his daydreams by the phone. Kurama sighed and stood up. Quickly picking it up.

"Moshi-moshi?"

"Yo, fox boy what's up?" Yusuke's voice came from the other line.

"Oh hello Yusuke, what is it?" Kurama asked, looking around his room.

"Well uh, Hiei may be coming over there soon. He came to the temple to see Yukina. Kuwabara and his stupid dumb ass had to get him pissed off. So this is a warning, you might have a annoyed demon on your hands tonight." Yusuke said laughing loudly.

"What did he do?" Kurama inquired curiously.

"Said lots of stuff and hit on Yukina." Yusuke's laugh calmed down a bit.

Kurama sighed. "I knew that, I was talking about what happened to Kuwabara..."

Yusuke snickered. "Got beaten badly. It's so funny, he looks dead. Anyhow I gotta spilt with cha, see ya fox boy." Then the line went dead. Kurama hung the phone up.

So Hiei was coming over, good. He wanted to see the demon again. It had been months since he had last seen him. Kurama walked back over to his bed and lied down. It was getting dark and colder. November was such a beautiful month, with the crisp air and the dried leaves crunching under your feet. More and more people bundling up on the streets. People hanging up early Christmas lights around their stores and houses, getting ready for the holidays after Thanksgiving.

Kurama felt his eyes close as he drifted into a light sleep. He dreamed of his times as a youko, the time he knew no real fears. After all he WAS the most infamous bandit in all Makai. He did what ever he pleased without anyone objecting. Then when he was reborn as a human, he developed feelings of fear, love and loneliness. He didn't want to steal; he didn't want to hurt people. His heart was that of a human's now. It took some time to understand and get used to the idea of it but it eventually sank in. Then he met Hiei and everything that was bad turned good. He no longer minded his human form at all. He just wanted Hiei so badly. He was, for the first time in his long life he was in...love.

Kurama's emerald eyes opened when he felt tapping. His eyes met crimson as he sat up.

"Oh Hiei...how long have you been here?" Kurama asked, yawning lightly. Hiei sat on Kurama's bed, arms crossed and eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Fox, we need to talk...and clear a few things up. Right now..."


	2. Chances

"Hn, Kitsune no baka, get up now." Hiei demanded, impatiently.

"Well it's nice to see you too, Hiei, I see the sun has done you well." Kurama yawned as he sat up. It was true, the demon was tanned more than last time he visited Kurama. But of course Kurama would be the first to notice.

"Hn, I'm not joking around, Kurama." Hiei glared coldly as he sat on the fox's bed. Kurama dismissed the comment. If he knew anything about Hiei, it would be his stubbornness. He glanced Hiei up and down and frowned a bit.

"Boots," he said simply, pointing a slender finger down to the jaganshi's feet. Hiei gave a sour face that made him look adorable. But was soon replaced by another cute feature, the scowl. He crossed his arms securely in front of his chest.

"Did your ears clog up as well as your brain, fox? I told you we need to TALK!" Hiei snarled coldly.

"We'll talk after you take your boots off." Kurama gave a secret smile but soon found it fading away at the emotion in the dark crimson eyes.

"Hn. I'm NOT staying that long Kurama..." Kurama shivered at the tone.

The fox blinked. "What? Hiei, what's going on here?"

"You've been hiding something from me, something called 'feelings'." Hiei replied, getting straight to the point.

Kurama blinked again in slight confusion. "I-I don't know what you're talking about Hiei..." He said, turning away from the demon.

"So now you lie to me? I don't like being lied too, nor played with."

"What?" What could have brought this up all of the sudden? Hiei was always a straightforward type of person but this...

"Well is it true or not, fox, I'm tired of waiting." Hiei's crimson eyes pierced into Kurama's emerald. The redhead felt himself hesitate.

"I'm losing my patience..." The jaganshi warned, grinding his teeth slightly.

"W-well, I don't know, I mean..." Kurama's words were jumbled in his mouth as well as his mind. Then he decided, probably the worst thing he could say ever.

"N-no I don't Hiei." But he did! Oh he did love him so much. He could never tell Hiei, never. Then he'd be alone, all alone, with his broken heart to mend.

Hiei frowned, and shook his head. "Then you can have this thing back." He said, handing Kurama sheets of worn pieces of paper. Kurama felt his breath catch in his throat.

"_There, now all I have to do is...give it to him." Kurama said, smiling sadly at the note that confessed everything to Hiei. "He'd kill me if he were ever to find it."_

_He considered tossing it, though he would have wasted fifteen sheets of paper. But he thought better of it and placed it under the coaster on his dresser._

_'Who am I kidding?' Kurama thought as he tried to get comfortable in his bed. 'He'll never think of me that way, I'm just dreaming.' Then with the last thought, he fell asleep._

_That night Kurama slept soundly, so much, in fact, that he did not notice the yokai at his open window._

"I found it there," Hiei pointed to the mahogany dresser. Kurama felt his throat tighten. He already knew! Of course he did! He wouldn't have brought it up otherwise.

"Hn, I guess I was right, nothing but a pack of lies. You really think you can use me to your advantage, don't you? Well you can forget that fox. From now on, keep your distant, or you might find yourself wishing you were never born. And believe me Kurama, I'll make sure of that." Hiei growled through gritted teeth.

"And I told you I wouldn't be staying long." With that, he stood up and walked over to the window. Quietly he looked back to a stunned Kurama, pausing for a moment. He was giving him a chance to explain, to take back what he said. But Kurama make a lot of mistakes that night, and this chance was in vain.

Kurama felt his heart rip and shred as the space that was once occupied by the jaganshi was now empty. He had missed his chance of happiness that night, and it was that night that would eat his soul, little by little.


End file.
